Lucky Joe (Diary of a racing cyclist)

Winter training always starts with gentle laps of the park listening to Survivors 'Eye of the Tiger'.

At this time of year, cadence should be high and I never deviate from the 25 sprocket until early February – I’ve got the rest of the year to use the other sprockets.

I like to start early which means scaling the park fence. This morning I lost my footing and took a tumble but managed to save my bike from any serious damage by landing first and catching it on my head. The damage to the rear mudguard can easily be put right with some Blu-Tack and electrical tape.

I use the first few laps to warm up and re-acquaint myself with the dangers of park riding. Do not be put off by its tranquil surrounds – the park is as treacherous as any bunch sprint.

It is worth being mindful of the following:

  1. Pram pushers (Chavio loosio), always to be found on blind bends drinking & smoking
  2. Dog walkers (Poopscoopius madicus), never use leads and always have big sticks
  3. Joggers (anusoblivius headbandicus), unaware of anyone else in park
  4. Duck feeders (Hissius bigus beakius), beware these friends of the evil pecking things.
  5. Anglers (Dormontius bigus polius), placid and unfit with massive poles
  6. Footballers (Hooligan sportico), generally unable to control their balls
  7. Wet leaves (slipperybuggerus), by far the biggest danger to the racing cyclist in the park, treacherous, lethal and found everywhere.

On lap 24, having covered 1.2miles, I am engaged in lively competition. At a cadence of 150 I cannot hold the wheel of the rider in front and, refusing to break my January rule, I am unable to select my February sprocket. I am powerless to overtake and do my turn at the front. I watch the BMX pull away knowing that, come February, things will be different…

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